Sorry that I have been away for so long, but last week was quite difficult. Unfortunately, I only have myself to blame. Last weekend I pushed think much farther than I should have. I am still learning, but because the damage was not apparent immediately, I kept going. On the plus side I was able to get several errands completed. The consequence was a return of the overwhelming nausea and dizziness I experienced when this all began, along with extreme fatigue. I think I slept for about 40 hours. Once I was able to keep my eyes open I became more aware of my poor appetite. I was forcing down one small meal a day, but it wasn’t enough. Without good nutrition I started to feel very weak. Oh and then the insomnia kicked in. Right about then is when the pity party started. Man, how do I get myself into these predicaments?!
I have never been the type of person that you could look at with a burned hand and tell ‘the stove is hot’. I have to touch it and confirm it by burning my own hand. I now understand what the doctors and therapists have been trying to explain to me. I must work to conserve my energy because if I don’t, it will lead to setbacks. I cannot apply my previous methods to this situation. When I have needed to complete something difficult or distasteful I go at it full force to get it over with. That is the exact opposite of how I must approach this. I have MS, MS does not have me. Granted this is a steep learning curve, but I will figure it out.
Life continued to move forward while I was out of commission. My insurance finally approved the medication, the drug company sent the equipment and the pharmacy fed ex’d the medication. The drug company will be paying for the first three months of meds and supplementing the co-pays after that to limit my out of pocket costs. They will also be sending a nurse to my home next week to teach me how to administer the meds. In light of this, I may have to reconsider some of my beliefs about ‘big drug companies’. They have been nothing but helpful and supportive through the entire process. In fact other than asking for some details about my prescription drug coverage, they took care of everything. Imagine that!
But, it’s not just the drug companies. So many people in my life have been so incredibly thoughtful and supportive. From the flower arrangements to the gifts to the cards to the text messages, emails and phone calls. So many people have shown me that they have not forgotten about me and provide much needed emotional support. It would be very easy to allow this disease to take me to a very dark place. I realize that I am not and could not do this on my own. Every well wish and guestbook entry encourages me to keep my head up and move forward. It takes effort to focus on what this disease has given me instead of all of the things that it has or could take away from me. At the same time, some people have tried to bring negativity into my life. My new insight has allowed me to severe these ties and move forward. In the past, I probably would have spent a great deal of time brooding over these relationships. Now I can accept them for what they are. Very few people are meant to remain in your life forever. When a relationship has run its course you have to take what you can and move on. I have been turning to a fairly well known poem by an unknown author to help me categorize appropriately. I will share it with you in hopes that it helps you too.
A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong -doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being a part of my life whether it was for a REASON, a SEASON, or a LIFETIME.
Well on that note, thank you for listening. Talk to you soon!
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