Being My Own

Hello friends,

Life continues to move forward at a lightening pace. I am doing my best to hold on and enjoy the ride. I met with my rehab physician who cleared me to return to a full time work schedule as soon as my power chair arrives. When I explained the time frame given to me by the medical equipment company, the doctor agreed that this was unacceptable and asked for the name and number of the person I was working with. A few hours after my appointment I received a call asking to schedule delivery of my power chair. Amazing how the right letters behind your name can make things happen!

My world has expanded 10-fold since I started driving again. I am out in the world on my own, no chaperone. I hadn’t realized it, but since I became ill I have not been ANYWHERE by myself. Just like everything else there are two sides to this privilege. Last week I decided to stop at a corner store on the way home. I had a very surprising reaction to the experience. I felt vulnerable. I don’t consider myself to be aggressive or confrontational, but I can take care of myself. Martial arts experience and a recent weight lifting regimen had made me pretty confident in my ability to protect myself if need be. Standing there in this shabby little party store I became painfully aware that if anything were to happen, there is nothing I could do about it. Neither fight nor flight is an option for me. I became terrifyingly aware of the vulnerability of physical disability. So many people have lived with this their entire lives, but it was completely new to me. As I drove home I thought about this for a long while. I thought about how easy it could be to withdraw from the world in an effort to stay safe. But, I realized that life isn’t safe for anyone. It isn’t supposed to be. That is what makes life interesting and worth living in the first place. I might be a little more cautious and aware of my surroundings, but I will continue to live. So if you see me looking around, don’t pay it any attention, I am just checking things out!

On a lighter note, I had a lot of fun too! After a long day of errands, including Gizmo’s first trim, I was able to go out to my friend Adrianna’s for a little decompressing. We went out on the pontoon boat to enjoy the sunset. It was amazingly relaxing and I have never seen the moon look so full. Once again I am reminded of the invaluable role that my amazing friends and family play in my life. I appreciate them more than ever. We finished the night with my absolute favorite, S’mores! Thank you Adrianna for making my day! I was also able to spend a day with some of my sorority sisters. I am so proud of how much we have grown and matured. I see major things on the horizon. Phi Psi day I die!

Today my power chair arrived. In just one day it has made a huge difference in my life. I was able to get through my date with only a fraction of the fatigue. With a little bit of support there is nothing I cannot accomplish. I can’t wait to see how the rest of my life is improved by this. For the first time I didn’t feel like I needed a nap when I came home from work. I can only imagine how much fuller my life will be because of this.

There is so much else to tell you about, but I guess I will save a little bit for later. Thank you for following me to the new site. You are helping me in more ways than you can imagine. Thank you for listening. Talk to you again soon!

P.S. Please comment and let me know what you think of the new site!