Monday June 6, 2011

Hello friends,

Tomorrow is the big day. I am going back to work for the first time since April 6th. I can hardly believe how much about my life has changed in only 2 short months. Even 3 months ago if you had told me what my life would be like today, I would have laughed at you and thought you were crazy. My current circumstances were so far from anything I could have ever expected, anticipated or imagined. Life can be funny that way. Just when you think you have it figured out and under control, it throws you a curve ball just to keep you on your toes.

The funny thing about it all is that before this all happened, I was lamenting about how my mid-thirties were a little bit on the lame side. It was all so routine. Days beginning to melt together with work, gym, home and repeat. The weeks punctuated by bowling on Mondays and poker on Fridays. I wondered if this was what the rest of my life was going to be like. In retrospect, I would give almost anything to have that monotony back. Going back to work will be a major step towards normality, no matter how monotonous. I can’t wait!

I have worked hard to get to this point. I am filled with anticipation, excitement, trepidation and fear. I want so badly for this to go well, but I am a realist. I understand that it might not be what I expect. Always hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.  My job requires a great deal of mental and physical activity. It isn’t physically strenuous, but hospitals are a lot bigger than one might realize. The nature of my work normally requires a lot of walking back and forth. The units are a relatively small space, but like a hamster on a wheel you can cover miles a day. I think my mind is ready, so I hope my body can keep up. I have more easily made the necessary adjustments at home, but will I be able to do it at work? I have worked with my therapist on ways to adapt how I approach my job. I hope it is enough.

Everyone at work has been incredibly supportive and encouraging, but I have expectations for myself. I cannot do this if I cannot perform at an acceptable level. I hope that mark isn’t outside of my reach and I hope I can be disciplined enough to not to push beyond my limits. I know this will be a slow process, but that is not how I operate! I want what I want and I want it now! Unfortunately, it is time to learn a new way to approach my life. However, the bright side is this change in perspective is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Would I have preferred a different catalyst for the change? Of course, but it is what it is. I firmly believe the saying that where you are is exactly where you are supposed to be. So, if Doyle Brunson can pull off not one, but two World Series wins with 10- Deuce, then I can certainly turn this hand into something!

I am looking forward to tomorrow as the start of the next chapter of my life. Wish me luck!