Hello friends,
Wow, what a week this has been (with plenty of curve balls to keep me on my toes). The weekend was great. I spent an amazing day with really good friends, shopping and enjoying great food. If you haven’t enjoyed Japanese Hibachi, you are missing out! I am so glad I was able to get out and have some fun because the next day I woke up feeling pretty bad. Sore throat, ear ache and sinus pressure to start with. Not much to get excited about, but it just wasn’t getting better. With the help of sinus medication I still managed to work both of my shifts without too much trouble. I really wasn’t very concerned until my nurses called. Yes I did intend for that to be plural LOL. The drug company has provided a MS specialty nurse and my insurance company has assigned a nurse case manager. They call to check on me regularly and discuss my symptoms and possible needs. Neither liked how I sounded and insisted that I contact my doctor’s office to determine if anything significant was going on. Because my Rebif dose more than doubled this week, it was difficult to say which of my symptoms were signs actual illness or which were medication side effects. I was also starting to have some shortness of breath with activity. Both nurses were concerned that as the Rebif can suppress my immune response, a relatively common illness could turn into something serious without much notice. Considering that the last time I wasn’t feeling well and wrote it off as a sinus infection that turned out to be MS, I decided that my skills at self-diagnosis might not be as carefully honed as I previously believe.
So today after work I went to see my primary care doctor. In retrospect I set myself up for drama that was to follow, but what can I say, I am a little hard-headed. I was running a bit late so I decided against taking the time to pull out my wheelchair, and my recent success convinced me that I could handle the short walk through the doctor’s office with my crutches. Well, that did not turn out quite how I expected. By the time I made it to the exam room and had my vitals taken, they were all out of whack. My blood pressure, respirations and heart rate were all elevated. It took forever for my heart rate and respirations to come down. The doctor examined me and while he told me he thought this was a simple sinus infection, my vital signs were a bit troubling and he agreed with the nurses that the Rebif could create a serious problem. Since it was too late to go get labs drawn, he insisted that I go to the urgent care center. OH JOY, this did not pan out for me very well last time, but he said if the blood work and chest x-rays were clear I could likely go home with some antibiotics.
I gotta tell you, outside of my job, I am really getting tired of doctors, nurses, hospitals, needles, medications and everything else. So I really considered just going home, but Cheryl wasn’t having any part of that. So off to the Urgent Care I went, hoping I would make it back home by the end of the month. I think I am getting a little paranoid because doctors keep trying to hold me hostage LOL. I know that they are just trying to help me, but I couldn’t help being a little upset. My entire life was pulled out from under me in a matter of days. I have been working very hard to take it back. I think my worst fear would be having to start all over. Every day I am thankful that everything sort of works when I wake up. Many of those mornings things are working better than they were the day before. Setbacks can be really difficult to deal with. Depression, fear and anxiety are always waiting in the wings hoping for a chance to take center stage. Every day I focus on keeping myself centered and on the path I have chosen. It is a conscious choice that I make each day to keep pushing ahead. Positivity and success are a decision, not happenstance. You have to create your own happiness. Fed Ex won’t drop it off at your front door. You have to go out and get it. But, I digress. Thankfully, all of my tests were normal and the doctor sent me home with antibiotics. So all of that worry was unnecessary.
At the same time several good things happened this week as well. I finally have a date for my Driver Rehabilitation. If everything goes well, I could be back on the road in a few weeks! I also got approval for a motorized scooter to use while I am working. This will be a major step towards getting back to work full time. The manual chair and crutches are a HUGE energy drain. This will allow me to cover far greater distances without feeling wiped out when I get there. On top of that, it will take some of the strain off of my shoulders and back. Human beings are not meant to walk on the hands and my joints remind me of this fact most evening. I am really excited by how much these two changes will expand my world.
I have also finally chosen a puppy (pictures coming soon). In a few weeks I will be picking up my Shorkie. This amazingly cute baby is Yorkshire terrier and Shih Tzu crossbreed. It is absolutely adorable! In spite of the random obstacles, I continue to move forward. I am a bit slower, but I like to think that I am getting back into the swing of things at work and performing with the same level of competency that I did previously. I know in my heart that my life will never be the same, but I am confident that I can make it better than before. I no longer live under the illusion that I am some kind of superhero, personally responsible for EVERYTHING. Living as a mere mortal hasn’t been all that bad
I think I am starting to ramble, so I will stop here. Thanks for listening. Talk to you soon.
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