Gone, but never forgotten

Hello Friends,

My heart is very heavy today. How do you say goodbye to a friend? How do you learn to let go? Yesterday I lost one of my oldest and closest friends, Oscar J. Perry. From the day we met some 16 years ago we were peas in a pod, the same kind. We always connected and seemed to understand each other (and the decisions we made). Oscar helped me through some really difficult experience as I transitioned into adulthood and learned who I was. He was supportive and even defended me when I was too afraid to do so myself. He always made it clear that we would be friends no matter what and encouraged me to be an individual. He helped me to understand that those who mattered don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter. I don’t know if I would have made through if it weren’t for his support and encouragement. I don’t know if he ever knew how much he meant to me or how much he influenced my life, but I will forever be grateful to him.

I will never forget how he could turn a crappy apartment of basement room into something comfortable and home like. Anybody that knew him in college will remember the black lights and posters that covered the walls. Going off to college is a traumatic experience. I would have never admitted it at the time, but I was scared. I come from a close knit family and had never been so far away from home. On top of that I was going through some major changes in my life. My high school friend and I moved to Allendale with no idea of what to expect.  Oscar was the first person I met when I came to GVSU. He was friendly and welcomed us with open arms. Since I started over the summer term there were very few students (and even fewer who looked like me). Oscar introduced us to people, showed us around and basically taught us the ropes. Most of all he told us about his family by choice, the Imps and Emeralds of Phi Eta Psi. Initially I was skeptical. I was not really the “Greek” sorority/ fraternity type and this was something I had never even heard of. Oscar is responsible for me giving this organization consideration and eventually coming into the land of Green and Gold. No matter where he was, what he was doing or who he was with Oscar always represented for the Phi Eta Psi Family. He was also sincerely supportive in the development of the Gamma Phi Psi organization as well. A true brother in every way.

I could always count on my family by choice and especially Oscar. I remember how we would pool our meager student resources to buy food and provide entertainment, so that no one ever went without necessities or companionship. For a time we were roommates and lived as a family. We laughed and cried and fought, but I wouldn’t trade that experience for anything. It made a Podunk little town surround by cow pastures feel like home to a little kid from the city. Some of the happiest memories of my adult life took place in Allendale and the vast majority of them include Oscar. He was even there when I had my heartbroken for the first time. He gave me a week to sulk and cry and avoid personal hygiene but then enough was enough and he insisted that I get up, get showered and get dressed because we were hitting the club. Thank you so much giving me the kick in the past that I needed.

Over the years our careers and his nomadic lifestyle separated us for periods of time, but we always seemed to come back together. We always picked up as if we had just spoken yesterday instead of six months ago. Our birthdays were one day apart and over the years we frequently celebrated them together. We often referred to each other as Twin for this reason and the incredible similarities in our personalities. A month ago when we last saw each other, we talked about having a big party next year since he would be turning 40 and I would be 35. We talked about our futures and how aging had changed us. Oscar talked about maybe finally settling down and putting down permanent roots somewhere. As much as we were the same we were very different. I knew he would never be able to settle down as well as I know I would never allow myself the freedom to change course at a moment’s notice the way he had. Like true Pisceans we were two sides of the same coin. Two extremes of the same emotions.  Looking back on this last encounter I wish I had said more. I wish I had told him that I loved him and that he would always be my brother. We never realize the significance of these moments until they have passed. I have to believe that if he never knew these things to be true, he knows them now.

I know he is already very busy in Heaven reorganizing things and decorating his room. I am sure he is even recruiting new members to the green and gold family. I love you big brother, I will see you when I get there!

 

R.I.P. Oscar J. Perry

Odysseus 1 Enigma of Wisdom

March 11, 1972 – October 30, 2011

Gone but never forgotten…

Little Monster

**** I thought I hit post last week but it looks like I hit save LOL. So I will post a new update soon!
Hello friends,

I think my empathy might be broken. The emotion necessary to do my job can be a bit draining at times. Thankfully my energy is renewed by my students and their eagerness to learn and help. I tried a new format for my class last night and I am very encouraged. Prior to last night the level of class participation was dismal at best. Initial I thought maybe it was that they had not done the material and therefore could not contribute to the discussion, so I decided to do a pop quiz to find out. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the overwhelming majority aced the test so lack of preparation was not the problem. It seems that they are just really afraid to speak up. They seem to prefer to let me talk the entire time.

One of the assignments for the class is to write a question based on the assigned reading to be turned in at the start of class. So, last night instead of lecturing, I decided to use the question cards. Some I posed to the class as a whole and called on individuals for others. I was so happy to finally have some engagement and exchange of ideas. I did not get to cover everything that I wanted to, but was very pleased with the results over all. This was even more amazing because I returned their first research papers. The scores were a bit lower than either I or the students expected, but the average score was 80%. After quite a bit of internal debate I decided that there was fault on both sides as there were things that I did not explain clearly enough and the students failed to ask questions. I offered an optional extra credit assignment. Those that would like to improve their scores will have an extra assignment and I will have another assignment to grade.

Teaching has been an amazing experience, especially with his group of first year students learning the basic tenants of my profession. It reminds of why I decided on this career in the first place. It helps to reignite the passion for my work. Social workers are nothing if not passionate.  The work we do is often shunned by others. We will never be famous, rich, acknowledged or  even appreciated most of the time, but we do what we do because we just cannot imagine doing anything else. I love my job even when I hate it. I know that many of my clients will never think of our interaction again, but just knowing that I have done all that I can to help that person is enough. When I started out in social work I was once told that if I wanted to be underpaid, overworked and under appreciated then I was in the right place. I never imagined how true that would prove to be, but I still cannot imagine myself doing anything else. Sure I would like to have to the status (and salary) allotted to any other graduate level professional, but all in all I can't complain. How many people have the opportunity to impact another persons life in the way that I can. It is an amazing experience every single time. I will never get tired of that.

Of course I have to tell you about Gizmo. I came home from a long day at work and at school and it turns out he was pissed! Literally and figuratively. I get home tired, but happy to see my puppy. He follows me into the bedroom while I change out of my work clothes and immediately lifts his leg and pees all over my bedspread. As I stripped the bed I thought Oh well, accidents happen. I took him out for a walk and a little one on one time. So then I go into the living room to watch a little TV before bed. Gizmo jumps into Cheryl's lap and immediately pees in her lap. I laughed my ass off, but Cheryl was less than pleased. Then as I laid on the couch watching TV I realized that Gizmo had been quite for a long time. I looked down on the floor and see that he had been very busy chewing through my cell phone charger. That was the last straw, somebody went to bed earlier before I became an abusive parent. He might be a little monster, but he is my little monster!

Well, thanks for listening. Talk to you again soon!

Some much to do, so little time

Hello friends,

I have really missed talking to you. Since we last spoke, both of the new medications were approved. I have already started the Ampyra to help improve my ability to walk independently. So far, so good. I don't know if it is the medication, but I am finally able to walk without any devices! It is incredibly tiring, but it feels amazing to be able to walk on my own. I have been having a lot of pain and muscle cramps as my legs get used to walking again, but I finally feel normal again. I my have once again pushed things a little too far this weekend though.

I have scheduled to begin the Gilenya on October 31st. Now that it is close to becoming a reality, I have to say that I am a little worried. I know that the risk of cardiac complications is very low, but my luck has not been the best lately. My family has a long history of cardiac issues. Both my grandparents died from heart disease. I hate to take chances with my heart under the circumstances. So if you remember please say a little prayer for me.

My class has been going very well. Last week my students turned in their first paper. Reading and grading papers is far more difficult than I ever expected. I wish I had time to talk more, but there is so much for me to do I will have to chat with you later. Thanks for listening. Talk to you soon!