Gone, but never forgotten

Hello Friends,

My heart is very heavy today. How do you say goodbye to a friend? How do you learn to let go? Yesterday I lost one of my oldest and closest friends, Oscar J. Perry. From the day we met some 16 years ago we were peas in a pod, the same kind. We always connected and seemed to understand each other (and the decisions we made). Oscar helped me through some really difficult experience as I transitioned into adulthood and learned who I was. He was supportive and even defended me when I was too afraid to do so myself. He always made it clear that we would be friends no matter what and encouraged me to be an individual. He helped me to understand that those who mattered don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter. I don’t know if I would have made through if it weren’t for his support and encouragement. I don’t know if he ever knew how much he meant to me or how much he influenced my life, but I will forever be grateful to him.

I will never forget how he could turn a crappy apartment of basement room into something comfortable and home like. Anybody that knew him in college will remember the black lights and posters that covered the walls. Going off to college is a traumatic experience. I would have never admitted it at the time, but I was scared. I come from a close knit family and had never been so far away from home. On top of that I was going through some major changes in my life. My high school friend and I moved to Allendale with no idea of what to expect.  Oscar was the first person I met when I came to GVSU. He was friendly and welcomed us with open arms. Since I started over the summer term there were very few students (and even fewer who looked like me). Oscar introduced us to people, showed us around and basically taught us the ropes. Most of all he told us about his family by choice, the Imps and Emeralds of Phi Eta Psi. Initially I was skeptical. I was not really the “Greek” sorority/ fraternity type and this was something I had never even heard of. Oscar is responsible for me giving this organization consideration and eventually coming into the land of Green and Gold. No matter where he was, what he was doing or who he was with Oscar always represented for the Phi Eta Psi Family. He was also sincerely supportive in the development of the Gamma Phi Psi organization as well. A true brother in every way.

I could always count on my family by choice and especially Oscar. I remember how we would pool our meager student resources to buy food and provide entertainment, so that no one ever went without necessities or companionship. For a time we were roommates and lived as a family. We laughed and cried and fought, but I wouldn’t trade that experience for anything. It made a Podunk little town surround by cow pastures feel like home to a little kid from the city. Some of the happiest memories of my adult life took place in Allendale and the vast majority of them include Oscar. He was even there when I had my heartbroken for the first time. He gave me a week to sulk and cry and avoid personal hygiene but then enough was enough and he insisted that I get up, get showered and get dressed because we were hitting the club. Thank you so much giving me the kick in the past that I needed.

Over the years our careers and his nomadic lifestyle separated us for periods of time, but we always seemed to come back together. We always picked up as if we had just spoken yesterday instead of six months ago. Our birthdays were one day apart and over the years we frequently celebrated them together. We often referred to each other as Twin for this reason and the incredible similarities in our personalities. A month ago when we last saw each other, we talked about having a big party next year since he would be turning 40 and I would be 35. We talked about our futures and how aging had changed us. Oscar talked about maybe finally settling down and putting down permanent roots somewhere. As much as we were the same we were very different. I knew he would never be able to settle down as well as I know I would never allow myself the freedom to change course at a moment’s notice the way he had. Like true Pisceans we were two sides of the same coin. Two extremes of the same emotions.  Looking back on this last encounter I wish I had said more. I wish I had told him that I loved him and that he would always be my brother. We never realize the significance of these moments until they have passed. I have to believe that if he never knew these things to be true, he knows them now.

I know he is already very busy in Heaven reorganizing things and decorating his room. I am sure he is even recruiting new members to the green and gold family. I love you big brother, I will see you when I get there!

 

R.I.P. Oscar J. Perry

Odysseus 1 Enigma of Wisdom

March 11, 1972 – October 30, 2011

Gone but never forgotten…